Most parents love their kids. Fewer believe in them. What many parents don’t realize is that kids will grow or shrink to fit the mold we create for them. If you believe your kid is strong, smart, bold, successful — they will rise to the challenge. But if you believe your kid has limits, they will shrink to fit your expectations.
This psychological phenomenon is called the Pygmalion Effect. It’s coined after the Greek myth of Pygmalion, a sculptor who fell in love with a statue he carved, which later came to life — symbolizing how belief can shape reality. In 1968, the Pygmalion Effect was officially brought to life in education. Psychologists Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson conducted a study where teachers were told certain students in the classroom were expected to show intellectual growth. The students (randomly selected) ended up actually performing better than their classmates — all because of their teacher’s elevated expectations.
I don’t think we realize how powerful the Pygmalion Effect is. When you believe in your kids’ potential — truly believe in them — they will internalize these beliefs and rise to the occasion. On the other hand, low expectations can diminish their confidence and performance, resulting in their tendency to shrink to fit the mold. It starts with language. “He’s not great with numbers.” “She’s more of a creative type.” “That’s not really her thing.” These casual phrases become deeply embedded self-identifiers. That can be a harmful thing. (Or, an amazing thing, depending on how we use it!)
